THE EYE OPENER

The other day I was traveling to my rural home alone. There were a few projects I was accomplishing knowing too well that that would earn me a good name in the village. That was not the only reason I was doing that though. I think I am also among the many people who spent many days without visiting their homes for various reasons. Some fear the many people they will meet and the only thing they ask is to buy them drinks. Of course, by doing that severally you will earn yourself a title of a mayor, a councilor or even a governor. Not that these people will ever vote for you if you ever vied for such a position. In fact nobody will ever try to recognize you in the ballot. I know of a friend of mine who tried that and he swore to me that he will never fall a victim to such fellows again. They are only your friends in the drinking dens.

Well, that’s not the point I wanted to make. I was cuddled up on the back seat with at least four other guys on a seat that was supposed to carry a maximum of three guys. I cannot remember how many people were in the 14 seater matatu but all I know is that it was a very good number. I almost suffocated but the rest were very comfortable. I think they enjoyed being that way. The air was really awful with a lot of noise that I never imagined would exist in such a place. I thought that maybe we would pass a police roadblock and the driver or rather his counterpart would at least be held responsible for their inhumane actions but I was about to be shocked later on.

With the vehicle speeding and being driven dangerously I could say very little since I knew that nobody would ever listen to me as they were really enjoying the nasty ride and in fact some were cheering the driver on. I wished time would fly so I could get off the vehicle. Luckily we reached the roadblock and I thought I could breathe a sigh of relief. Luckily I was seated next to the window and I therefore could have a better view of what was happening outside. I thought this was the time for the driver and his friend to pay. The guy in blue surely came around and pretended to be checking the insurance on the vehicle.He also pretended to check inside and to my amazement he smiled at the conductor. Then as the vehicle was heading away he was handed I think a one hundred note in a very smart way that nobody with an extra eye could notice. The vehicle sped off. I just wondered all the way home. If these were the things still happening on our roads then we will never get tired of listening to news about accidents on our roads.

 I later came to learn that this was a routine. Well, I decided to prepare my self for such scenes on my next visits and never to stay too long in the city so I would never be shocked the way I was on that day. But I really hope that this will not go on for another long time without something being done about it..just hoping against hope

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put, “trying to so the job alone” as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient.

I am a brick layer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six storey building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick leftover. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel using a pulley which, fortunately, was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tight to ensure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note, in the block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds. Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the 3^rd floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured skull and collarbone. Slowing on slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground, and the bottom broke out of the barrel. Devoid of weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately fifty pounds.

I refer you again to my weight in the accident reporting form, block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3^rd floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounted for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations on my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries. When I fell into the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel six storey’s above me…I again  lost  presence of my mind, and let go off the rope!

Well the question you are asking yourself is maybe what this is. Have you ever laughed so silly that you thought you would die? Or have you ever experienced the feeling one gets when you are tickled, maybe you can remember your days when you were a kid. I had the experience when I was a kid. My grandpa used to tickle us and we would laugh until we lost our breath.

Pathological laughter can apparently cause your muscles to weaken to the extent that you can fall down and hurt yourself. It may also lead to a lesion or induce a heart attack. Apparently people with this disorder can laugh themselves to death. Do you believe this? I did not believe either until I did my research.

Take for instance your time by checking out this funniest joke in the world; two hunters were out in the woods when one of them collapsed. He didn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes were glazing. The other hunter pulled out his cell phone and called emergency services. He then gasps to the operator, ‘My friend is dead! What can I do?’ The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies. ‘Take it easy, I can help. First let’s make sure that he is dead.’ There is a silence and then a short is heard. Back on the phone, the other hunter says, ‘Okay, now what?’

You don’t have to tell me whether you laughed, but if you really did, then you are in really good company.

The funniest joke in the world also refers to a Monty Python video about a joke that is so funny that everybody who hears it dies literally of laughter. Eventually, the military began to use the joke as their secret weapon the details I don’t know. I laughed while watching that video but the comments posted on that video made me laugh louder.

It’s very clear that many people suffer from this disorder all over the world. After watching this video, I was curious to find out whether there are recorded cases of people who have died from laughter. Strangely, according to Wikipedia, there are a number of cases as I came to find out. The earliest one was the Greek philosopher Chrysippus, about three centuries before Christ, who died guffawing after giving wine to his donkey and watching it try to eat figs. More than a thousand years later on, king Martin of Aragon died from a combination of indigestion and uncontrollable laughter. Also ten years ago a Thai ice cream salesman died while laughing in his sleep. Just this year an insurance salesman Charles Baltimore died laughing while trying to sell to a famous accordion player…………Laugh sanely on this day!

The answer is really simple, impunity and insecurity. Of course we can’t leave out corruption. Many African countries are busily using all their limited resources fighting off a group of militias who are fighting for only God knows what. We simply do not understand the right channels to go through so as to solve a crisis. I think we need to learn a few tips from our European counterparts. We believe that only violence will give us justice. Almost if not all the countries in Africa have experienced some form of violence, some even leading to loss off lives of so many innocent people a good example would be the Rwandan genocide that claimed almost a million innocent lives. Our nearest neighbors, Somalia have been fighting for almost 20 years.

The incumbent presidents or rather leaders have had a great role to play in all this. Why would a person want to remain in power for the rest of his life while they claim to be exercising democracy? Some have even changed the constitutions in order to fit their mean ambitions at the expense of their citizens. People really like to see change but while we continue to support this people I don’t see it coming any time soon. All the disguise elections eventually lead to violence. I think people in Ivory Coast. Kenya, Egypt, Libya and Zimbabwe will definitely agree with me, at least if you are really a visionary person. The bloody coups like the one which saw our foreign affairs minister trapped in a hotel for a few days during an official visit to that country really make us less competitive with the rest of other countries of the world.

While we are busy concentrating our so limited resources in reverting all these, our economies continue to sour, That’s when our children never go to school, that’s when farmers don’t plant. The outcome is always devastating. We become poorer and poorer while our western counterparts continue to prosper. They even laugh at us if you may ask me.They will even pretend to support us but in the end they reap the benefits, after all we are just the the third world.

But there is hope, so much hope; we only need to start thinking right. Think of the consequences of all this rather than the benefits. Let’s concentrate on building our countries for many years to come. It’s never really too late to begin. Talk to your friends about this and I can assure you that when we really begin to understand that fighting for an individual in the name of a supporter is foolishness. I hope you will begin to think straight after reading this.     `

Imagine you are late for an interview. In this case I mean really late. You only have like a few minutes before the deadline. Your life depends madly on this job. At home you are the first born and everyone is banking on your job for survival. You meet a man who has badly been injured and there is no one to be of any assistance, just you. You are also on foot! Saving this man would be the best thing to do, but on the other hand it would mean you will never get that job, in that company to be precise. So what would you do? Would you walk away and have time for the interview or would you help the man in need. Well in depends on you. Just think about this for a second.

It’s on 1^stApril. Well you all know this day, but not all of you. Let me try and remind you for you who might have forgotten. Its day of the fools, I mean not you but for lying. Sounds funny don’t you think. Well that’s not the point am trying to bring home. You are late from work and you really want to surprise your girlfriend back home. You even bought her a nice gift. Reaching home, you walk into your bedroom and there you find her naked in bed with your best friend. On the floor is a used condom. On seeing you they shout, “APRIL FOOLS DAY!’ What would you do? Well I don’t want to know, at least not for now

Sister Blessing Akinyi, the church gossip and self –appointed arbiter of the church’s morals kept sticking her nose in the other members’ private lives. Church members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake,however,when she accused Elder Mwokovu wa Jehovah,of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of Mama Pima ‘s Yokozuna bar and restaurant in Muthurwa one afternoon.She said its obvious that anyone seeing his pickup truck would know what he was doing. Elder Njuguna, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny; he said nothing. Later that evening, Elder Mwokovu Njuguna quietly parked his pickup truck in front of Sister Akinyi’s house and left it there till day break. Question is if you are Sister Blessing Akinyi, what will you do?

You are a member of the police, in this case the secret service, the CIA or even the anti terrorist unit. You have sworn under oath to protect your country at all costs. Nothing should come first before your country, not even your own family breaking your oath would guarantee you being charged with treason and we all know that is not the best experience you would want. Now it happens that on this day you are seated with your expectant wife at home chatting over so many niceties. You don’t even want to think about your work at such a great time. Suddenly your sweet wife begins to bleed, a sign that the baby is coming, At least you are going to become a dad again. Have in mind that her last delivery she had to be operated. At this time there is no one at home. Suddenly as you are busy putting her in the car your phone rings from work. A terrorist has been spotted near your area and you are required immediately to help in his arrest. Well, would you leave your wife in that condition or would you respond to the call of duty.Don't also forget that you are not able to call for help or an ambulance at least not today; it had to be that way. Do you have the answer to this one? I hope so.

While the woman tied up the row boat with an expertly women hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walked into the house she said casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home. Sit down please, would you like to have a drink?”.”No, thank you” he said, still dazed. “Can’t take any more coconut juice”…..”Its not coconut juice”, the woman said. “I have a still”, “How about a pinacolada?”

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepted and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, “I am going to slip into something comfortable, would you like to take a shower and shave, there is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom. No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened onto its end inside of a swivel mechanism. “This woman is amazing”, he mused.”What next”. 

 When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but vines strategically positioned and smelled faintly of perfume. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her. “Tell me, she began suggestively, slithering closer to him. “We have been out for a very long time, we have been lonely. There is something am sure you really feel like doing right now. Something you have been longing for all this months. You know”, she stared in his eyes.

He could not believe what he was seeing, “You mean?” he replied…”I can check my email from here?”

Then recently I heard that a group of people from that region were claiming that they do not belong to Kenya. Now, where do they really belong? Their ID cards are all saying they are from Kenya. And why should they begin to claim that right now when we are just about to go to the polls. I think its just being selfish. Maybe these people are being controlled by a few influential gentlemen although they don’t deserve that tag. I hope that is not the case.

Ever since I was born I have never been told that Kenya was divided into two countries, at least I don’t remember. I have always known our country to be a one peaceful nation that has always been an envy of so many nations. Maybe you also grew up with that in mind. These claims really piss me off; knowing that they also grew up grew up with that too. Every region in Kenya needs another. Because we all depend on one another for so much that I can’t even imagine someone talking about secession.

What about if every other region starts having the same thoughts? The luos begin to say that they want to be a country, the kalenjin the same and so on. What would become of the country that our fore fathers fought so hard to gain its independence? What would be the future of our children? I think we both love peace and we know the consequences of insecurity, I think we have been there before. So these brothers of ours I think they need to sober up and begin thinking straight. Let there be a solution to their claims by the relevant authorities so that we end this weighty matter. I think then we will be doing a lot of justice to our beloved country. Have a Kenyan mind,wont you?

He managed a cold sweat. Martin was forced to remember all the debts he had at once. And he had several. It seemed that this Mr. William had somehow remembered his own and on such a time when the month was not in its best time of any one having money on him. He owe him 10000 bucks.He knew he had to find a way of paying up the debt because the man he was dealing with was not the type to mess up with. He painfully racked his brain for a solution but nothing came up. His worried long face seemed to be sharing his agonies save for his receding hairline. He was still in the middle of this situation when he thought he heard a commotion in class 8.Thats when he decided he wanted to relieve his stress on the culprits who were somehow messing up with his private problems.

Apparently a fight had broken up between John, the naughty student with rather silly ideas and Mike the school sanitary prefect. John had refused to sweep the classroom and when confronted by the authority he had turned physical. Mike did not want to lose his ego and so he responded vehemently. Other students were feasting hungrily on the free movie on offer. The guys were sprawled on the floor, each one trying to get the better of his opponent. Blows rented the air. There was a lot of clapping and cheering. And that’s when Mr. Martin entered.

Everything went silent. All the pupils silently went back to their sitting places save for the two masters on the floor. The teacher’s angry face spoke volumes of how far he would go on correcting the situation. Even if it meant beating them up all by himself. He asked what had led to the fight but nobody was willing to give the answer. Of course nobody was willing to do that. Everybody understood perfectly what sharing a dose of the teacher’s angry temper is felt like. So the silence persisted. The two fighting masters were still on the floor, their heads down. The silence persisted. His rather blood shot eyes swept the classroom as if hoping to get the solution from its dirty walls.

“It seems like nobody is going to give me the answer. Well you are all on punishment. You will go to the farm for the whole week. Meanwhile you two idiots on the floor run to my office now”. He said in his deep voice. Nobody moved for a second. Then the sanitary prefect slowly and shamelessly moved out under the watchful eye of the teacher. John did not move for even an inch. The teacher angrily looked at him with the hatred that a man of God hates Satan. He still did not move. The tension was now rising in the small classroom. Then the unexpected happened.

With a clean sweep of his feet, he knocked down the deputy who was caught off guard and quickly stormed outside hot on his heels. The deputy was knocked down head first. Blood was dripping down his sharp forehead. He was confused for a second. When he regained his senses he felt his forehead and when he felt blood he immediately ordered the whole classroom to pursue the escapee. They all did with him also in pursuit. But John was never caught, at least not on that day. The deputy had many problems already and this one only piled up to the list of his stresses. But he somehow had to deal with both.